I WON’T WATCH THE WATCHMEN

Why? Well, they’d probably enjoy it too much for starters. And on the minorest of notes, one of the most impressive things about the Watchmen in the Dave Gibbons drawn graphic novel was that they were ugly and schlubby and real. Can’t have that in Hollywood. Everything/one looks shiny.

Alan Moore is an excellent writer, one of the best at entwining sex and violence and grim while tarting them up with psychology and literary awareness and pretension. It’s literary enough that you can believe/make up anything you want to make you feel better about watching the violence, sex and nihilism. If there are virtues in the graphic novel, they are probably to be found in the intense, intricate clutter Moore created with his world, a clutter which will probably not transfer to the screen.

Yes, that was a rant, but the non rant version where I still lose all my comic book street cred follows:

I just don’t want to watch the Watchmen. Yes, I read the graphic novel, I saw the impact it had on comics and you know what, I’m still one of those goofs who reads Blue Monday and the animated Brave and the Bold and hopes for a Legion that remembers fun and dating, a person willing to consider that dating Lois Lane beats flying(or not dating Catwoman) and is enough reason to put on blue tights and/or glasses and that there’s nothing wrong with trying to make “truth, justice and the American way” values people can believe in.

What am I going to do instead? Watch my favorite superhero movie, The Shadow, a classy production (starring Alec Baldwin) about a man who triumphs over his inner demons, uses them to help others, and maintains both his sense of style and humor. A movie that has top of the line actors(great Jonathan Winters and Ian McKellan work plus John Lone as one of my favorite movie villians) excellent art design, costuming and production values. And you know what, the good guys win; they even win laughing.

Then I watch my favorite episode of The Middleman, probably #5, the Zombie Trout one, or maybe #3, with Sensei Ping.

And then I buy The Tick vs. Season 1 and see him defeat some of the best supervillians ever: The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight, El Seed, Chairface.

And then I write my own darn heroes.

End rant.